A Quiz for the Children Under my Care

Normally I will teach a lesson to the children in Awana each Wednesday evening, but last week I decided to do something a little different. I often wonder how much of what I, or any of the other Christian teachers in their little lives for that matter, am saying actually gets through to them and affects their thinking. So in my first ever attempt to create and facilitate a test, I went to some of the traditional Baptist catechisms for some questions. I also created a few of my own that were specifically targeted for these children based on the lessons that we’ve been going through in the past few years.

I ended up with 13 objective questions, 10 subjective questions, 2 extra objective questions, and an open “ask anything you want answers to” question at the end. I must say that even though I see ways to improve the way in which the test was prepared, presented, and completed, I am grateful for some of the things that this reveals. Specifically, I thought that the answers to four of the objective questions and one of the subjective questions were quite revealing. And I want to look at a few of those and provide my thoughts.

Question: How does God see me (because of Adam’s sin in eating the forbidden fruit as well as my own sins)?

• Correct Answer: Our Condition by Nature, is very bad: it is sinfull; and Cursed - Ephes. 2.1,2,3. Dead in sins. Rom. 5.12. 18. Gal. 3.12 (45%)
• Friend & sad/sinful; good & bad (18%)
• "mad and sad" (9%)
• Misc. Wrong Answer (27%)

First of all, the first answer to the question above (as in the rest of the objective questions) was the answer that I was looking for. In order to answer the question correctly, the children didn’t have to give a long and detailed answer that one would expect from a teacher, theologian, pastor, or other mature Christian. The children just had to show that they had the right idea. For example, if the child answered the question with the word “sinner” or “guilty”, that would be sufficient to be correct.

Even though 100% of the children answered the question of the penalty of sin correctly (i.e. death and hell), I was concerned to see that about 45% of the children don’t have a correct understanding of man’s position in sin. I understand that the children who answered with the idea that God is both mad and sad at our rebellion is pretty close to the right answer, but because of the emphasis that we’ve had for a long time in our lessons, this was close to the right answer, but not close enough. In other words, the 4th – 6th graders have had about one and a half years of teaching focused on this issue. But even if I threw that category into the general “correct answer” pot, there are still close to half of the children who missed it entirely. This means that I will need to address this issue in a different way. Not in a way that provides a different answer, but in a different way that will help the children to understand the correct answer better.

Question: If my sin deserves an eternal punishment in hell, what did God do so that He could forgive me as well as punish the sin that I have committed?

• Correct Answer: Penal Substitution - Jesus Christ Died for my sins, bearing my punishment (9%)
• died / died on the cross ["Jesus" and or "sin" not specificially named] (82%)
• "send His Son" (9%)

Now perhaps I was being a bit too much of a stickler on this one (I don’t think that I was), but an answer that referenced “dying on the cross” without referencing Christ’s name specifically or the reason (i.e. sin or the wrath of God) that He had to endure that were just not acceptable. Some may think that I’m being a bit too harsh, but I don’t think so. The question itself didn’t mention Jesus and the world in which we live in is so devoid of the true meaning of the idea of the crucifixion that an answer by any Christian, child or adult, that leaves out the name of Christ our Lord is not acceptable.

The resolution to this problem may be as simple as making it clear to the children that any answer to this type of question – whether on a test or in person – that leaves out the name of Christ is just not good enough. And even though people assume that the hearer might know that they’re referring to Jesus (especially if this question is in a church context), we must not neglect to forcefully proclaim the name of our savior.

Question: What does God require of me, to redeem me so that I can escape His wrath because of my sin? Hint: Think of what you would tell someone else if they knew that they deserved to go to hell because of their sin and they wanted to be forgiven.

• Correct Answer: Repentance and Faith (10%)
• Faith in God OR Repentance from sin [both not given] (45%)
• Misc. Wrong Answer (45%)

If there is any one subject that we have dealt with more than the fact that the 10 Commandments is the tool that God has given to illuminate our sinfulness and to lead us to Christ, it has been the subject of the gospel. The gospel is clear that man must have a repentant faith in Christ in order to be saved. Both of these elements (repentance and faith) are essential for salvation. Faith without repentance of sin shows that the faith has not permeated the individual with the fruit of a changed life or a willingness and desire to change. Repentance of sin without faith is also fruitless because the individual does not understand that a sinner is saved by grace through faith and not by works. And repentance without faith is essentially an attempt at works righteousness.

Both faith and repentance of sin are gifts from God to believers. And it may better be summarized that the faith that alone saves a man is a repentant faith. And again, to have virtually all of the children answer this incorrectly or incompletely was very disturbing. So much of our Christian lexicon needs to be tightened up. Cliché phrases and concepts such as “Jesus is my personal savior”, “the sinner’s prayer”, and others need to be more clearly explained and understood. Otherwise, like it is in much of the rest of evangelicalism, the true meaning of these phrases or concepts will be lost as will be those who hearken to the wrong understandings of them; lost.

Question: What does it mean to have faith in Jesus Christ? Hint: think of another word that we use to describe what faith in Jesus Christ is.

• Correct Answer: Trust in Him alone (45%)
• Repent of Sin (10%)
• Misc. Wrong Answer (45%)

And if I were to feel better about the previous question, this one here did nothing to help with that. If you ask a child what it means to believe in something, they may answer by saying that you have faith in it. But if you ask what it means to have faith in something, they will usually revert back to answering it by saying that you believe in it. Consequently, I am concerned that so many people don’t understand what it means to have faith as the Bible describes it. For years I have used the analogy of sitting in a chair or walking across a frozen lake.

If I have a chair made up of spaghetti noodles or a lake that has one eighth of an inch of ice covering it, it doesn’t matter if I have all of the faith in the world that these things will support me when I put my weight on them. No matter how much faith I have, when I sit in the chair or attempt to walk across the lake, I will fall. Likewise, if there is a chair made of granite and a lake that has four foot thick ice covering it in its entirety, it doesn’t matter if I have the least amount of faith in the chair or the ice, because when I sit down on the chair or step onto the lake, they will support me and I will not fall.

And in using these examples, the illustration of faith that I have brought out is with the word trust. And in explaining what that means, I have repeatedly said that an example would be that you not only believe that a chair can hold you up if you sit down on it, but you actually sit down on it. That is the example of trust that I use in order to give the children a picture and an idea to associate with the concept of faith. So, when over half of the answers were essentially nothing more than “really believe”, I see that the concept of what true faith is has not yet broken through to many of them.

Question: Do I really want to read the Bible on my own?

1. Yes (36%)
2. No (9%)
3. Kind of (36%)
4. Not Really (18%)

While some of the answers to the objective questions that I asked were frustrating and concerning, none made me sadder than this one. I understand that I am working with young children, but the fact that 27% have really no interest in reading the Bible on their own initiative and 36% “kind of” have a desire to do so just breaks my heart. I understand and believe that a true desire to read the Bible doesn’t always translate into a good solid regular reading time, but if you don’t have that desire it will not translate into a good regular Bible reading time.

I don’t have any way to change this response. My teaching, their parents’ teaching, or a fist-full of sermons and applications will not change this heart desire. The only thing that a father, a teacher, a mother, or anyone else can do is to pray that God would change their little hearts into ones that desire Him and His Word. I pray that I would not neglect this great task before me, as a teacher or as a parent.

May God grant grace to these children and cause them to desire His Word. May God also grant grace to so many adults in our churches who, if they answered this question honestly, would answer in the same way.

Protecting My Children from Public Television

With three young children, my wife and I (like all good parents) must always be alert and on the lookout to ensure that they don’t go off and get seriously hurt or killed. We don’t allow our children to play in the street, to play with fire, or to have easy access to knives or sharp scissors. Likewise, we are not only mindful about the physical health of our children, but we also want to monitor and protect them in other areas too.

One of the other things that we monitor very closely is they type of television show or video that they watch. My eldest, Micah, actually didn’t really ever watch anything until he was nearly two-years-old. And once we introduced a limited amount of viewing time to his schedule, we have been careful to be very censorious. For instance, as general rule my boys only watch either Veggie Tales, Bob the Builder, Thomas and Friends, and (most recently) The Wiggles. Occasionally my wife will turn the television on when Elmo or Caillou is on, but that is it. Even with the number of different programs, the maximum time to watch TV on a given day is about 30 minutes. Sometimes it is more when one of the kids is sick or if the parent in charge is sick, but the standing rule is that we’ll watch 30 minutes if we watch any (and many days we don’t). And after a few different negative experiences with bending our rules a bit, we have been even more cautious.

One afternoon I was queuing up the video so that my boys could watch an episode of Thomas and Friends. We try to keep the channel of the television normally tuned into the public television station (the one where many of these shows air) so that we can avoid toy, food, or inappropriate advertising and content. So when I turned on the television and was rewinding the video, one of the female hosts was giving a summary of the program that had just concluded (I have no idea what the program was). She summarized the program by saying that the main character (I’ll call him “Billy”) had learned about sharing. The essence of what she said was this,

First of all Billy didn’t want to share his toys with his friends. Later he found that when he did share his toys, it made him happy. So now he is going to share because it makes him happy.

On the face of it, there is nothing wrong with learning about sharing. But I was immediately following the logic of her council to further conclusions. You see, the basis of what she said is that Billy should share his toys because it makes him happy. She didn’t say that he should share because it made his friends happy or because his mother or father told him to. So, the base “reason” for sharing is because it makes me happy. And if the reason why we do anything or everything is because it makes me happy, well then we will have big societal problems.

Now, you may be thinking that I am being overly critical and that children wouldn’t take what she said that far. And you are probably right. But the problem is that my children don’t like to share. In fact, both Micah and Noah like to hoard the toys and play with one simply because the other is either playing with it or is intending to play with it. I must teach them to share because of a reason that is more real and more solid than that it makes them happy.

This ultimately goes back to a principle that I believe is true. That is this: Teaching good morals without them being explicitly based on Jesus Christ and the truth of the Bible is wrong. If I were to teach someone not to steal and my reason was something other than Christ and His Word (i.e. because it makes you feel good), ultimately the issue of stealing is up for debate and whether or not it is a good thing to do will be determined based on my immediate situation and not on Christ. The pattern of American society is that we have had good morals and good ethics because for years these things were explicitly taught and based on the Bible. Now, we are told that “the Bible says so” is not a valid reason for teaching the masses ethics and morals and that is why I believe we are seeing the increased speed in the decline of the morals of our society.

About a week after my television experience my wife calls me at work to tell me what she just saw. She had turned the television on to have the boys watch Thomas or the Wiggles while she was feeding Hannah. When she turned it on, the program “It’s a Big, Big World” was on. Immediately both of my boys were captivated because of the bright colors and the fact that the characters were all animals. The main character was talking about acorns, and as it happens, Micah had been introduced to acorns a few days earlier and had collected a handful of them.

So my wife decided to see what they would learn about acorns. Apparently, it was a pretty neat program that showed how the acorn grows into a tree. My sons were very interested. But all of the sudden, the main animal who was talking referred to the spirit of a certain tree. My wife immediately turned a Thomas video of ours on which caused both of my boys to be extremely upset. Why in the world would it be necessary on a nature-type children’s show to refer to an idea that trees have spirits?

Well, this just went on to show us, yet again, that we cannot be too careful about what goes into the impressionable minds of my children. Would Micah end up believing that trees have spirits if we’d have let him watch that show? I doubt it. Most likely, he would have asked a question later and we would have answered it and corrected his false understanding. But the point is that I don’t want that type of confusion to enter into my children’s minds yet. One day they will be confronted with Native American mysticism, naturalism, humanism, and any other “ism” that you can think of, but I don’t want that to be this day. And one day my sons will build fires, play catch near or on the street, and use sharp knives to do various tasks. But in the same way that I won’t allow them to do those things now, I will do my best not to allow them to be assailed by false religious and philosophical ideologies until they are older and more mature.

Raising, teaching, guiding, and nurturing my children so that, by God’s grace, the will come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ with a sensitivity toward sin in their lives and the instruction of God’s Word. As their father, that is my task. That is my duty. That is my goal. And to do that, I will do all that I can in order to protect them from harmful influences.

The Reason Behind a Name

Micah, Noah, and (now) Hannah. What provoked us to give our children these names? Well, it’s something that I’ve thought about a lot, but have never really put down on paper before. So, I’ve got to start from the beginning, I guess.

Names are important. They always have been, and they always will be. As you live and grow you make your name mean something by how you conduct yourself through life. But there is also the idea that the name that you give to your children is either in tribute to someone who has gone before or it is a guide or description of the manner or characteristics that you want your child to have. When it has come to my part in deciding what our children’s names will be, I have been thinking along the lines of truths or characteristics that I would love my children to embody.

Micah James – “Who is Like Yahweh”

When we found out that were pregnant with our first child, we had only been married for about six months and we were ecstatic, nervous, scared, and unprepared. But when it came down to picking a boy name (we have picked out both a boy and a girl name for each of our children to be prepared), we immediately thought of Bible names. The first “veto” came to the name John. John would be an appropriate and great name to give to a child. John the apostle was a “son of thunder” and the beloved apostle who, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, wrote so heavily about love and loving God. But, John Johnson just doesn’t sound good. I’ve heard and seen too many rhyming first and last names.

So I expanded whatever flimsy parameters there were in my thinking, and I came up empty. But then I was reading my Bible and I read the following Scripture passage,

“⁶ With what shall I come to the LORD {And} bow myself before the God on high? Shall I come to Him with burnt offerings, With yearling calves? ⁷ Does the LORD take delight in thousands of rams, In ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I present my firstborn {for} my rebellious acts, The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? ⁸ He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:6-8)

That was it. This was my prayer for my first born. I want and desire for my children to act justly and rightly, to be kind and merciful, but overall to walk humbly with their Lord, Jesus Christ.

I can’t exactly remember, but I think that it took a bit of convincing (not too much) to persuade my wife on this name. But now we had to figure out a good middle name for this boy. A big factor with middle names was that the two had to sound good together. Actually, one of the tests to see how they sound and how they fit together was to think about what it would sound like to call your child when they were in trouble. You know what I mean? Just think about the times when you got in trouble as a child and a parent, grandparent, or other adult in authority over you used both your first and middle names (they sometimes even throw in the last name, and then you know that you’re really in trouble) to get your attention. As much as I would like to take credit for this idea (because it’s a good test), I cannot. My beloved wife came up with and introduced me to this test.

To make a long story short, we ended up with the middle name of James. It is in this wonderful book where the Spirit inspired James to combat an easy-believism type of faith in the early church where people claimed to be born again, but didn’t have the fruits of love and good deeds. And James was given inspiration to condemn that type of attitude with the statement, “faith without works is dead.” (James 2:26)

Holy Father God,

I pray that you would draw Micah to yourself, even now, and that You would cause him to be born again at a young age. I pray that you would keep him healthy and strong, and help him to grow up to be a man who will walk humbly before you, act lovingly and justly to his neighbors, and who would have a deep and true faith that is living and active.

By Your grace alone, may You cause it to happen.

Amen.

Noah Luke – “Rest”

With Noah, I must admit I was predisposed to this name from very early on. We were in the middle of studying both epistles of Peter, and there was one passage in those two books that stuck out to me that I had not noticed before.

“⁴ For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to pits of darkness, reserved for judgment; ⁵ and did not spare the ancient world, but preserved Noah, a preacher of righteousness, with seven others, when He brought a flood upon the world of the ungodly; ⁶ and if He condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah to destruction by reducing them to ashes, having made them an example to those who would live ungodly lives thereafter;” (2 Peter 2:4-6)

I had always known the story of Noah and the Ark, but I had never really thought of Noah as “a preacher of righteousness” until teaching through this book. The Lord had been confirming in my heart and conforming my attitude and desires more to be a preacher myself, and I could not think of anything that would make me more proud than to have a son who would be a preacher of the righteousness of Christ. That’s how we came up with Noah.

When we settled on Noah as a first name, we began the process of determining a middle name for him. About five minutes into the process, I busted out laughing. My perplexed wife asked me what was going on and I told her that I had just thought of the middle name that we wouldn’t give to our son. It was the name of a biblical character who is described as being “righteous” too, but for some reason it just didn’t fit. The name that was nixed: Lot. Why, you ask? Well, just say the names out loud. Noah Lot. Exactly, I don’t want to encourage my children to be sassy, but I believe the reason that I gave was that I didn’t want to give him a name that would “make him bleed a lot” (i.e. get beat up) as a kid.

We went with Luke because it sounded good, and it was a nice New Testament name too. There wasn’t a specific passage or theme from Luke’s writings that was influential in picking this name, but it was to show that his name is unapologetically one with strong Christian overtones.

Holy God,

I pray that you will save Noah and, if it be Your will, to do so while he is young. I pray that you will cause him to grow up to be a man who truly lives righteously and preaches righteousness, whether it is from a pulpit, a street corner, or wherever. May you burden his heart with a passion for You and Your glory. May You keep him healthy and strong, and make him wise.

By Your grace alone,

Amen.

Hannah Grace – “Grace”

Little Hannah; precious little baby girl. Well, today is her birthday, and wow, what a joy it is to have the privilege of raising a daughter. When we set out to try and figure out a name for our daughter, we ran through a list of options and possibilities, but we didn’t get settled on one right away. Actually, it was her middle name, Grace, that I lobbied for hardest in the beginning. Why Grace? Well, in truth, it was a struggle between Grace and Faith, but eventually Grace won out (there’s a sermon in that statement some where, I just know it). But, quite frankly, regardless of the books and subjects that I have studied in the past five years or so, it has been the truth of God’s amazing and wonderful grace that has made the biggest impression on me and on my life.

Once we had determined that her middle name would be Grace, we started brainstorming for first names. I don’t remember the exact order of things, but we arrived at the name Hannah. I do remember a sermon on Hannah, the Prophet Samuel’s mother, by John MacArthur, and I was very impressed with her character. Then I read the Scripture, and I was again more impressed with her devotion to God.

“¹ Then Hannah prayed and said, "My heart exults in the LORD; My horn is exalted in the LORD, My mouth speaks boldly against my enemies, Because I rejoice in Your salvation. ² " There is no one holy like the LORD, Indeed, there is no one besides You, Nor is there any rock like our God.” (2 Samuel 2:1-2)

My hope and prayer is that Hannah will grow up to love the Lord, to serve Him faithfully, and, like her namesake, to rejoice in His salvation! For salvation is all of grace, and it is grace I earnestly desire for Him to show to my little Grace, my Hannah Grace.

Awesome Father God,

I pray that you would give me the strength to persevere in my duties of a father to my daughter. I pray that you would give me the patience and gentleness to deal with her in an individual way that will encourage her to be godly and humble and loving. May you grace me with the wisdom to teach, live, act, and play in such a way that will give her a correct understanding and view of herself as a girl and, later, as a woman. May the relationship that we cultivate between the two of us be one that will only strengthen her and not weaken her. Oh Lord, soften her heart to the message of your gospel, to the saving message that You offer. I pray that you would give her a soft heart that is tender to Your Word. May You cause her to come to an understanding of her sin and Your holiness, and may Your Spirit then make her born again.

May I be a steadfast and faithful father, not taking lightly the responsibility that You have placed before me. In my weakness, You are strong…be strong in the raising of my sons and my daughter.

Amen.

God Bless Eternally Minded Friends

This is the week, and tomorrow (or Wednesday) is the day when my wife will give birth for the third time. It is a pretty momentous occasion. One of my friends (who also has the privilege of raising three little children) jested, “Now you have to go from man-to-man defense to zone coverage.” When he said that for the first time, I laughed out loud, but I still chuckle every time that I think of it or repeat it.

If all goes according to plan, starting tomorrow I will be off work for a week or two enjoying the company of my family and getting to know my newest member. And because I am in a fairly jovial mood and getting excited about all of the great things that happen when a baby is born, I sent the following message to a friend, co-worker, and brother-in-Christ.

In order to honor my last day as a father of two, I'm gonna let you buy me chipotle Thanks, Dan!!!!

Was I jesting with my presumption of being bought lunch today? Yes. Would I have refused or objected if Dan were to bring me this delicious lunch? Not a chance. However, instead of responding in kind with a joke, he responded with the following,

That day ended long ago, you became a father of four at the conception of your daughter. We can celebrate that though!!

Talk about being caught off guard. Wow. My wife and I have been blessed with the privilege to raise two boys and, Lord willing, a girl too. But in between our two boys, we lost a child. That experience of losing a child before birth is traumatic and, as a parent, you never forget. The problem is that much of the rest of the world, including your circle of friends and family, tend to forget about it completely, or push the thought so far back in their mind that it doesn’t even register anymore. They almost need to be reminded with a painful statement like, “You remember that we had a miscarriage…right?”

Anyway, let me just say that I was blessed by this reminder that, yes, I am a father of four. I have three here and one waiting for us with Christ. My hope and dream is that all of my children will one day be with Christ along with Stephanie and me. However God sees fit and chooses to do that, no matter the earthly circumstances, I will exult in the Lord…even if it is with tears.

Thanks, Dan, for your encouragement in truth that you boldly and unapologetically offered in grace and love.

To God alone be the glory in the salvation of sinners.

Parenting is Tough...

But here is a glimpse at two great reasons for why all of the struggle and frustration is worth it. Praise God for blessing me with my two boys. I pray that my little daughter will remain healthy and strong until the day, that is fast approaching, that we can meet her.

An Attainable Goal for Instructing Our Children

I heard a good and convicting comment when listening to podcasts today and it was this,

“Every six year old in this church should be able to answer the question, ‘How could God punish sin in Jesus if Jesus had no sin?’ And if our six-year-olds cannot answer that question, we need to beef-up our devotional life at home.” – John Piper¹

Piper said that when he picked the age of six, he was giving the middle age of where children should be able to answer this question. I think what he means by this is that children who grow up in our (believer's) homes should be able to answer this question in a basic way at the age of three. The answer that the children should be able to say is that God didn't punish Jesus for His sins, but for our (my) sins....

We should point our children to (and know them ourselves) the following passages in the Bible:

“But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being {fell} upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

“He who was delivered over because of our transgressions, and was raised because of our justification.” (Romans 4:25)

“For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received, that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures,” (1 Corinthians 15:3)

“who gave Himself for our sins so that He might rescue us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father,” (Galatians 1:4)

“and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.” (1 Peter 2:24)

“For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit;” (1 Peter 3:18)²

If our children can get that fact straight as early as 3 (and it is possible), just think how fertile the soil will be for the gospel when they are old enough to understand it deeper and respond in repentance of sin and trusting the savior for salvation.

Christ saves through grace and faith, but as parents and workers in the church, and even more so as parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children these things as of first importance even before they can talk with us. It seems to me that the instilling of this kind of teaching into our children with verbal communication is the second step that follows them hearing it from us to one another and seeing it in how we live.

Grace be with you all.

---

¹ “What the Law Could Not Do, God Did Sending Christ, Part 2” by John Piper as heard on the 2/8/07 Desiring God Radio Netcast, originally preached on November 4, 2001.

² All emphasis shown in these passages is mine.

Spanking Children

Updated on 1/29/07 (audio clip)

Recently Sally Lieber, a California lawmaker, seems to have made it her mission to outlaw spanking in her state. She seems to have a skewed idea of what spanking is and how it is used. "’I think it's pretty hard to argue you need to beat a child,’ Lieber said. ‘Is it OK to whip a 1-year-old or a 6-month-old or a newborn?’"¹

I don’t know anyone who would argue that beating a child or whipping a 12 or 6 month-old baby is ok. But it is a straw man argument to state that spanking, in any way, is equal with “beating” or “whipping” a child. Furthermore, if someone is abusing their child (i.e. neglect, beating, and sexual molestation)², they are already punished (rightly so) by law. But equating the controlled spanking of a child on his or her buttocks for the purpose of correcting a wrong behavior with that of uncontrolled or rage filled beating of children is truly an abuse; an abuse of language.

So, if this lawmaker succeeds in California and the same law eventually reaches Minnesota (knowing the state of Minnesota politics, it wouldn’t take too long) making spanking children illegal while I have young children, I would be guilty of breaking the law. I would continue to use this form of discipline on my children when it was appropriate.

Apparently the California lawmaker believes that spanking should only be outlawed for children who are under four-years-old.³ I have only been blessed with the duty of parenting two children so far (#3 is on the way), and my oldest is going to be four-years-old this coming summer. My son has been spanked, when appropriate, for about the last 2 years of his life. And he will continue to be spanked until that is no-longer the most effective corrective deterrent to bad behavior.

What do I mean when I say that it is “the most effective corrective deterrent” relating to my son’s behavior? According to the article, Governor Schwarzenegger is not opposed to this bill and is reported to have said that when he was raising his children, “they found it more effective to threaten to take away their children's play time if they didn't do school work” as opposed to spanking. Furthermore, he was quoted as saying, “They hate that much more than getting spanked."

I think that Gov. Schwarzenegger’s comments clarify this issue, but as with the case of Ms. Lieber‘s reckless equivocation of traditional spanking with child abuse, the clarification is not the way that he intended. He said that his children responded better to a threatened losing of privileges if schoolwork was not completed, but four-year-old children are not in school. This example is as irrelevant to the issue as it could be.

A two-year old child may not like to have a toy taken away, but within seconds (literally seconds), that same child may be more content doing something else and completely miss the reason for having a taken away. I want to argue for the validity of spanking as a worthwhile form of discipline to young children in two areas; personal experience and the biblical witness.

First I will look at my personal experience. As always, personal experience and “traditional” ways of doing things are always subject to being corrected or changed based upon the Word of God. So, admittedly, my first argument is what I perceive to be the weaker of the two and, if taken by itself, could almost be disregarded. However, if taken in conjunction with biblical teaching, it very powerfully shows the truth of Scripture.

A Child’s Perspective (Experience)

When I was a child, my parents spanked me…a lot. I don’t remember when it started (which means it started early on), but I do remember a few things about my own experience of being the “spankee”. I remember that it was very effective as a deterrent to my misbehavior. My parents had a spanking tool that was used to spank both me and my brothers.⁴ It was a deterrent in two ways.

First of all, the stinging that follows spanking (which dissipates fairly quickly, in retrospect), caused me to remember the price of disobedience clearly. So I was less likely to be disobedient in the same manner as frequently in the future. Secondly, the visible reminder of the spanking tool was key, I think. I don’t remember if my parents would take it out to be seen by me if I was heading down the path toward a spanking, but I do know that seeing it made me think of the consequences of disobedience.

As a college student away from school on some sort of a break, I was sitting with both of my brothers and we all had a similar conclusion or thought from our childhood; we probably should have been spanked more than we were. This came out of discussion of the (then) possibility of becoming husbands and fathers and how we could use our experience to help us as we assumed the parental leadership role. We were not scarred by the fact that our parents spanked us, on the contrary we saw the reason (even if we didn’t understand it totally as a child) for spanking.

A Parent’s Perspective (Experience)

All children are sinful from the get-go. Sure, they are cute, cuddly, funny, but they are ultimately sinful from the very beginning of life. Even knowing that this is true, it was hard to come to grips with it and how to deal with it when it concerned my own child. Specifically relating to spanking, my wife and I didn’t spank our son until he was right around 18 months old. We haven’t used spanking as the primary method of correction, but it has always been setup to be the final punishment for disobedience. Because we have used it regularly, but not frequently (i.e. when disobedience calls for a spanking, it is used, but it is not invoked frivolously), Micah has an understanding of the gravity of disobedience when he is warned with something similar to, “Micah, if you continue to disobey Mommy, I will have to spank your bottom. Do you want me to do that?” To which he replies with a quick “No,” and we have a little discussion about being obedient. It has served as a good deterrent against common childhood problems of tantrums, hitting⁵, and overall disrespect of others (Sunday school teachers, grandparents, etc.).

As for the general impact on Micah, it is quite remarkable. Frequently we are around other children that are of a similar age of Micah, so we are able to see how other children act as well as how their parents act or react towards their own disobedient children. I will not go into any great detail about any one of these experiences except for one story. Some of our family does not agree with spanking children, and therefore the children in these family units are not disciplined in this manner. One such relative must have seen me talk to my son (in a corrective/disciplining manner) at a family event and didn’t approve of my action. I don’t remember the specific circumstances that led me to (a) take my son away from the action, (b) speak to him in a serious manner about being obedient, and then (c) sent him back to play in a more controlled manner, but I know that I was the only parent to have intervened. The reaction of this relative was to say, basically, “They are too strict with that boy.” The irony of this comment was that later on that same day, this same relative said, while witnessing a general mayhem that had taken over the other children that was now out of control, said, “My, Micah sure is a well behaved boy.”

That is just one example of how the manner that my wife and I parent our children, not perfectly by any means, is readily apparent already while our son is less than four-years-old. This brings me back to the statute that Ms. Lieber is trying to force on the people of California. If I were to not have spanked Micah at all yet, and we were to wait for another 6 months, we would have to deal with the entire course of his little life of learned wrong behaviors that were unable to be corrected properly or effectively. This, I think, would be much harder on everyone, both the children and the parents. Again, I am not saying that spanking is to be used all of the time for every opportunity to discipline or correct a child; I am simply saying that without the deterrent of spanking, Micah would have more areas in need of correction that had corrected earlier.

The Biblical Witness

• The biblical passages that I am going to look at next need little in the way of explanation. However, modern thought or methods cause us to defend the strikingly (no pun intended) obvious verses that deal with the corporal punishment of a child.
• “On the lips of the discerning, wisdom is found, But a rod is for the back of him who lacks understanding.” (Proverbs 10:13)
• “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” (Proverbs 13:24)
• “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15)
• “Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol.” (Proverbs 23:13,14)
• “The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15)

So, as far as the Bible is concerned, there is not a debate as to whether a parent should spank a child who needs to be corrected. I think that it is helpful to hear some solid Bible teachers on how they apply the truths of parental love and correction as it relates to spanking.

“’A rod is for the back of him who lacks understanding.’ Now very simply, folks, how do you get this little guy or this little girl to obey? Bottom line, you hit them with something, it's here called a rod. You say, "You sure that's what it means?" Well, what's the point in just saying...look, here's a rod, would you please obey? If the rod has never been applied, I don't think they understand the picture. You basically are called to use corporeal punishment. That's what it says. A rod is for the back of him who lacks...and isn't it interesting the Lord even tells you where to hit them? Not on the front and not on the top, on the back, where they've been designed to be hit.”⁶

“Can I suggest to you, it really isn't that hard? What it says here is pretty straightforward. You have a depraved and foolish child, if you want him not to be so foolish, spank him. That's it.”⁷

John Piper makes the case that children react to the “thou shalt” commands of police officers, parents, the Bible, God, by saying, “But I want….’ And that this is something that emanates from the sinful roots of their (and our) humanity. He then exhorts his congregation with how parents must respond to the “but I want” reactions of the children with this plea:

“You must teach children ‘NO!’ You will be spanked if you do what you want here. And if you continue [to follow your own will] to the end of your life you’ll go to hell, which is why we spank lovingly. If kids don’t learn the meaning of the wrath of God and the love of God from their parents, who love them, where are they going to learn it? [If] somebody tries, later on, to convince them that a loving God is also a wrathful God, if they haven’t seen that in daddy – that daddy can hug, and kiss, and roll around on the floor, and be sweet and pure and kind and gentle, and really have fire in his eyes when you disobey – if a kid can’t put that together in a parent, how’s he going to put it together in God?”⁸

This last quote from John Piper expresses exactly the reason why we see the necessity for spanking our children. It is because the rod of discipline will drive home the importance of obedience and show the penalty of disobedience. Another interesting note is that David says that he is comforted by the rod of God (Psalms 23:4). The rod is used to beat off wild animals just as it can be used to swat (if necessary) the sheep to get it back in line.

The essence of this whole issue of whether someone should spank a disobedient child comes back to sin and how we as sinful people need to understand what it is and where it comes from. We also need to know how to react to spanking, both as a parent (discipliner) or child (discipline). So, later in that same sermon, Piper goes on to talk about sin and what it is at its core.

“What’s the ‘nub’ of sin? What is sin? Here my efforts to put it into a few paraphrases. The essence of my condition apart from Christ is not first and mainly that I break specific laws of God. That’s way down the river; that I break specific laws of God is not my main problem. My main problem is that I am hostile to God; that I do not want to submit to God. The essence of my sinful condition is the unwillingness to be told what to do. I don’t want to be told where to find happiness. I don’t want to be told ‘this choice will ruin my life’; ‘that choice will make my life.’ ‘I will not be told what to do. I will tell me what to do.’ This is the beginning of sin in the Garden of Eden, right?

“’No!’ she said and he said, ‘I will eat what I want to eat,’ and there’s sin. ‘I will trust me. I will be my own god, thank you, anyway.’ The essence of sin is a passion for self rule before there is any rule on the scene. My essential problem is that I break laws. My essential problem is that I hate laws. I hate them before the even appear, and as long as they don’t appear, my hatred lies dormant. Which is why there are so many good people in the world. ‘Good’ people. ‘Good’ people.

“The main thing, or the essence of sin, or the sinful nature, is self deification. Deification means ‘I will make myself god; I will be god. I will deify, I will make myself a deity.’ Self deification, that’s the essence of sin.”⁹

Until we understand what sin is, and we really get a grasp of what we are as people because of sin and its effects, we can never have any way to deal with the present issue of disciplining children. My main goal, hope, or dream for my children is that they will be saved by God’s grace through faith in the righteousness of Jesus Christ. And if spanking my children will create a more humble attitude as well as opportunities in which to share the gospel, then I am all for it.

When I say that spanking can be an opportunity to share the gospel, that is just what I mean. In my home, we teach Micah that stealing and lying are wrong, we basically teach him the moral guidelines by using the Ten Commandments.¹⁰ So, when Micah is in need of a spanking, we have a conversation as the first part of the disciplining process. I first ask him to recount what he has done wrong. In our conversation he communicates the reason for his discipline, that he has done a “no-no”, and that “no-nos” are sins.

Once we walk through that part of the discussion, we are able to begin the gospel portion. God is angry with sins, and we deserve to go to “the bad place” because of them. And in order to show him how serious God is about sin, I tell him that the Bible tells daddies and mommies to spank their boys in order to help them to be obedient. And because he is in this position because he broke a rule, it is a clear correlation to the breaking of God’s rules that leads to damnation.

One main point in all of this is that at two points during this whole spanking process, I make it clear that his sin is not primarily against me or anyone else, but against God Himself. I make this clear prior to spanking him, as well as after it is done when I ask him if he needs to say anything. Usually he apologizes to me, but I always ask him further until he says that he needs to apologize to God too.

Spanking, as the practical application of the consequences to disobedience, makes our Bible time when we talk about sin, the cross, and salvation much more clear in his young mind.

UPDATED MATERIAL
Way of the Master Radio had an interview with Ted Trip on this topic of spanking children. It's a good listen (about 15 minutes long) and worth while. Click here to listen (the interview portion begins about 5 minutes into the program).

---

¹ http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly_story/0,3566,245218,00.html

² http://dictionary.reference.com/search?db=dictionary&q=child+abuse

³http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly_story/0,3566,245218,00.html

⁴ It was a small, thin, white cutting board that had a handle on it.

⁵ Micah hit Stephanie once. When I came home that day, we dealt with it, and it has never happened again. I think this might be a key to forming good behavior. Come down on a rebellious action like this hard, and it should not happen again.

⁶ “God's Pattern for Children, Pt. 1” by John MacArthur http://gty.org/resources.php?section=transcripts&aid=216215

⁷ Ibid.

⁸ “Dead to the Law, Serving in the Spirit, Part 3” by John Piper, originally preached on February 11, 2001 (Transcribed from the 11/30/2006 audio Netcast)

⁹ Ibid.

¹⁰ You can read “Christmas thought #2: Children and Christmas” for a sample of how I teach my son using the Ten Commandments.